Query for current or former NYC peeps

[chanaleh]

... of the Jewish(ly knowledgeable) sort.

As I'm averaging one or two weekends a month in NYC this year:
Where should I go to services when visiting the Upper West Side?

Preferences:
(1) Conservative (or at least using the full traditional all-Hebrew liturgy)
(2) Egalitarian (or at least affording me the possibility of reading Torah or leading Kabbalat Shabbat on occasion)
(3) Lay-led (ditto)
(4) Not so Orthodox that there is more muttering than singing of prayers
(5) Orthodox enough that there are no musical instruments and the shaliach tzibur stands facing Jerusalem, not facing the congregation
(6) Did I mention the Upper West Side? (though recommendations in other localities would also be good to know about)

I hear that the UWS is rife with every kind of davening experience one could want, but I don't know how to *find* them. I need names, addresses, start times, websites. :-)

Back in October, we went to the much-vaunted Congregation B'nai Jeshurun (where Sarah Jessica Parker married Matthew Broderick, dontchaknow). I'd heard that it was large, and vibrant, and it was indeed both of those. We got there shortly after the appointed starting time, and the entire ground floor of the cavernous sanctuary was already full (!), so we ended up in the balcony -- which wraps around three sides of the room, so though we got pushed to the far forward right corner in order to find two empty seats together (!!), it was actually quite close to the bimah, which turned out to be a great vantage point.

When we walked in, the first glimpse I got of the bimah gave me a sinking feeling: two people (rabbi and cantor? a man and a woman) standing at microphones, facing out over the congregation, with a string quartet off to their right. However, once we got settled, I realized that (a) the quartet was actually cello, guitar, recorder, and djembe, which was about as cool and Mizrachi-sounding an instrumentation as I could hope for if they were going to have instruments. The clergy there happens to be mostly Argentinian (causing justom to say afterwards "Oh! That's why [the rabbi's] accent sounded familiar!"), so there was a lovely Sephardic flair to the whole thing. And (b) they really were doing the complete Hebrew text despite the semiotics of the stage picture, and doing it well and fervently. And the congregation really was engaged. During Lecha Dodi, half the crowd on the ground floor really did get up and dance in the aisles, for several minutes, while the rest of the room went on singing and clapping. However, being up in the balcony there was no hope of being part of that, and anyway it's... a little more than my relatively repressed little Conservative heart wants in a regular Friday night experience. :-)

It turned out during announcements that there were at least two bar mitzvah families and two or three out-of-town school groups all visiting the congregation that night, which sounded like it was par for the course in terms of crowds. We basically escaped as soon as the service was over and we could push our way out to the sidewalk (whereupon we ran off to figure out where to have justom's early-birthday dinner, but that's another story). With a crowd of thousands, it's easy enough for us strangers to feel generically welcome, but a lot harder to feel seen.

So, on the whole, it was cool, but I don't know that it's the place for me on a regular basis.

Somewhere I got or found a recommendation for the Shul of New York, which also sounds warm and vibrant, but (I deduce) a little too liberal-Reform for my personal taste. ETA: Oh -- on further research it seems I heard of them because they booked ellen_kushner for their 2010 family Chanukah party, which made me think that they must be a cool place. :-)

I've gone once or twice with mbarr to KOE, which is certainly traditional and small enough for my taste and has the advantage that I'm getting to know people there, but -- I'm still taking suggestions. At least, I'd like to have a better sense of what my options are.

Help?

*hits Post and runs off to the dentist*

Comments

[crewgrrl.livejournal.com]

Seeing as KOE has largely imploded, we are going to Darkhei Noam these days. It ticks generally all of your boxes, though we have found that the only reason it is welcoming is that we already knew the handful of singles/young couples who attend.

[sun-in-winter.livejournal.com]

Not a NYer but I've visited a couple times.

1) Kehilat Hadar (http://www.kehilathadar.org/) theoretically meets your criteria but I've not found it to be very warm / welcoming, so not necessarily great for meeting people. Anyways, might be worth checking out some shabbat. They meet all Saturdays and occasional Fridays.

2)Darkhei Noam (http://www.dnoam.org/) is a partnership minyan, so it meets your criteria (with the egal part falling into the kabbalat shabbat, psukei, torah service variety). They seem to meet most Shabbat mornings, but you should check the schedule. I found them to be friendlier as a community the time I was there, and they have a somewhat wider age-range, which is also nice. Worth checking out.

3)I can ask other people I know who are more likely to know other places, if you like.

[muffyjo]

So, knowing nothing about these, I offer a google search that came up with this. I apologize, but I was an Uptown East Sider not to mention that my Jewish experience is by osmosis.

[msmidge.livejournal.com]

http://www.anschechesed.org/web/guest

This is the one I was telling you about. It's been a long time since I went there, but I liked it when I did.

[mercurysparkle.livejournal.com]

My singular experience with attending Shul (not as part of a wedding etc) was at Ohab Zedek. I think it's more modern orthodox than conservative but I found it extra friendly when I was there. They may have suggestions too.

[surrealestate.livejournal.com]

Wow, I'll be curious to hear about the other places you try.

Alas, I cannot be of help since I only know Brooklyn for this (though if that's where you were, my old shul might fit the bill -- too far a commute, though I'm sure they'd adore you).

[doeeyedbunny.livejournal.com]

Your criteria reads like a description of Hadar. My experiences there didn't really grab me, but then again I wasn't invested in finding a shul/community at the time. My brother goes there and really loves it. I think it would be a great fit for you.

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

My latest shul there has been Shaarei Zedek, which is Conservative, full service, full Torah reading, small and quite friendly. It might fall a little low on your quantity-of-singing graph, depending on the week, I suppose- but the kiddush is excellent. There is a rabbi, but he rarely leads anything after pesukei d'zimra- and yes, the shlichei tzibbur face the ark, thank goodness. I haven't been on Friday night, as I don't tend to be ready in time to walk half an hour and get to shul on anything resembling on time these days.

[mbarr.livejournal.com]

OK- To sum up:

Darhei Noam - Partnership minyan. like minyan tehilla, AFAIK. (Don't know enough about Tehilla to be sure, but fairly close.)

Kehilat Hadar - Pretty much all your ticks, too. Bonus, you can lead Maariv, or Shacarit there.

Share Tzedek - Kinda like TBS, but with a bonus rabbi. Not a bad thing, still ley lead, in reality.

Don't think you'll like the normal Anshe Chesed. Too High Conservative.

That's pretty much what you've got. Tell us when you're in, and we'll meet you at DN, and I can probably make sure that someone you know will be at the other minyans when you try those.

[hatam-soferet.livejournal.com]

My vote's with Hadar :)

[dhs.livejournal.com]

I can't help you with finding a shul, but I hope the dentist visit was painless.

[ladymondegreen.livejournal.com]

I enjoyed Hadar when I was there a few years ago with doeeyedbunny but I knew a lot of the crowd from Columbia, and the shaliach tzibur at the time was a former Pizmon member, so the quality of singing was pretty high.

I'm not sure how it would feel if I hadn't known people though. It reminded me a lot of USY services. Full of ruach, and fairly rowdy, but reverent.

[doeeyedbunny.livejournal.com]

You thought it was rowdy? (When did we go? Was it Shabbat or Purim?)

[ladymondegreen.livejournal.com]

Honestly, I think it might have been Purim. I can no longer remember. I meant rowdy more as an attitude though, in the cheerful, ruach-y way.

[davidfcooper.livejournal.com]

mbarr sums it up well. Hadar (http://www.kehilathadar.org/) has a vey young demographic (which may make even you feel a tad old) comprised of day-school/Hillel/Israel programs alumni for whom existing synagogues are simply not on a high (knowledgeable) enough level and have an amazing repertoire of nigunim. Hadar also has its own egalitarian yeshiva.

Anshe Chesed's rooftop minyan is intellectually vigorous and stimulating but they expect a commitment to show up regularly and participate (including writing and delivering scholarly Divrei Torah) and I've been told that they are not socially welcoming (friends of ours used to belong but left after a while when none of the people they had hosted for Shabbat dinners reciprocated).

Good luck and let us know how the shul/minyan shopping goes.

[taylweaver.livejournal.com]

I go to Hadar. They meet every week now, and just moved to a new location that looks and feels so much nicer than the old one. (For one thing, it's a Jewish space.) I am curious to see whether the new space, which makes conversation during kiddush a lot easier to hear, will affect the friendliness. (KOE was much better at that.) On the plus side, you definitely know at least a few people who go there - me, and also cynara_linnaea. Maybe others I'm not thinking of. Hadar is "traditional egalitarian" - which is to say that if it affiliated, it would be Conservative, and definitely lay-led, with a fairly high singing quotient for the kind of davening (traditional, pretty much) that it has.

And if you are looking for friendly, I think Shaare Zedek tends to be. I go there on occasion. It's smaller, with a much more varied demographic (being an actual shul). Davening is not as exciting, but it has a warm feel.

[goljerp]

I go to Ansche Chesed, and will write more below.

[goljerp]

I haven't been to a lot of Hadar, but I do feel like I am a bit old for their demographic.

I am, however, an Ansche Chesed regular, so will talk about it at length.

First of all, every regular minyan at Ansche Chesed is Conservative Egalitarian, and meet most of the other criteria.

The sanctuary minyan is probably the least lay led of the minyanim at AC, but even there the cantor does not lead the whole service, and congregants usually do most of the Torah reading. As might be expected, they usually meet in the sanctuary, which is a large, lovely space. On the other hand, it's a rather large space, which means that microphones are pretty much necessary, and I personally don't enjoy singing along in that kind of situation in general. (The acoustics of the sanctuary are also not terrific in general). As a result, I don't usually go there for services.

The "Rooftop" Minyan alluded to above is Minyan Ma'at. It's totally "lay-led". I enjoy the davening and torah reading there. They usually meet in a smaller space (on the 5th floor), so even if the minyan policy allowed a microphone, they wouldn't need it. On the minus side, if you get there too late, you might not get a seat. Also, when I said "lay-led", I put it in quotes for a reason. There are a lot of Rabbis who are members of the minyan. But they aren't the Rabbi of AC (or Ma'at); they're just Rabbis who teach at JTS, or do other work, and they need a place to daven too, doncha know? And you certainly don't need to be a Rabbi to read torah or give a D'var Torah. The socially welcoming bit? Well... I'd certainly say it's a weakness of the minyan. It's not, I personally think, that anyone is trying to be unfriendly. It's just that there's a fairly cohesive core which has been going to Ma'at for... 25 years? More? And they don't usually open up to someone right away. The stereotype of Ma'at is "Rabbis and Psychologists", or perhaps "Rabbis and Psychologists and Academics", although of course not everyone falls in those categories.

The last two Minyanim are smaller, and only meet twice a month. There's the West Side Minyan, which I think could be farily stereotyped as "aging hippies". Not all of them are aging hippies, of course. They're nice folk, and if you like long discussions for D'var Torahs, then that's a bonus. WSM is the only minyan at AC on the triennial torah reading cycle.They meet the second and fourth Shabbat of each month in the Chapel.

Minyan Rimonim meets on the first and third Shabbat of the month, also in the Chapel. I'm very fond of Rimonim, only partly because that's where Joy and I met. Rimonim is small, friendly (I think), and pretty traditional. Joy's stereotype of Rimonim is "Computer Geeks and Social Workers", although by "Social Worker" I think Joy meant "people who do socially and public servicy things", like teachers and people working for non-profits. Again, not everyone at Rimonim has jobs like that. Another bonus of Rimonim is that I go there, so you're guaranteed a friendly face. :-)

Note that on Friday night there's usually just one (smaller) service.

[goljerp]

Other Conservative Shuls, not already mentioned:

Technically, I believe that SAJ (Society for the Advancement of Judaism) is Conservative. It's also Reconstructionist. I haven't been to services there, and I'm not sure how they'd hold up to (3) and (5) -- or even, for that matter, if they do Musaf.

There's another Conservative Shul, whose name escapes me at the moment, in the 60s on the UWS... I haven't gone there in a while, because it's too far a walk for me now, but they're technically UWS. Um.

I also know a havurah which meets once a month on Friday nights. We haven't managed to make it there in a while, but I know they still meet. (Not sure if they daven now, or meet after davening -- but they were egal and lay led when they did daven.)

[sanpaku.livejournal.com]

Definitely Hadar.

[msmidge.livejournal.com]

Minyan Ma'at, that's the one I went to. I couldn't remember the name. I think I agree (from 14 years ago) with the assessments here. I was there with people who were already part of the "in-crowd" and it still sometimes felt a little intimidating, but it's worth trying out at the very least. The nice thing about the Upper West Side is that there are lots of options. Not like in Des Moines. :)

[goljerp]

I don't want to knock Des Moines, since I've never been there... but I will agree that the UWS has lots of options. And we were just talking about the Conservative-leaning ones; if she'd asked about Carlebach-style ortho, or Reconstructionist, or Reform, there would still have been multiple options.

One thing that I personally like about AC is that you can "shul shop" (or shul hop) without going outside. Of course, it's all Conservative Egal, so if that's not your thing it doesn't really help, but for me it's a plus.

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

"Computer Geeks and Social Workers"

OMG, is THAT ever where I am coming from at tremontstshul. :-D Very interesting!

Thank you for the detailed notes. I would definitely try almost anything at least once, so it's good to know what's on the menu!