I Am Large, I Contain Multitudes

I thought I would have tons of time to write once I was here, and the answer is probably that I *do* have time to write, but I have not really felt the inclination.

I have instead spent a lot of time doing crosswords, reading Game of Thrones, watching Game of Thrones, drinking coffee, dicking around on Facebook, practicing/learning songs for performing with etrace's band, cooking breakfast and/or dinner, baking bread (mostly bread machine, but also some handmade focaccia that turned out OK), petting the dog(s) and cats -- and snuggling with my husband, generally marveling at the state of my life.

Yeats wrote, "Happiness is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing."

I think this is a time not so much of growth as of... rooting in.

I've been overextended and undernourished for so long. There'll be time enough to Get Things Done later this year, when we start to work in earnest on growing the business and searching for an outside job for me. Right now, if I want to sit on the porch in my pajamas for two hours every morning, I totally can, and that's kind of the best thing in the world.

(Though I do think it would be good to pick up again the Artist's Way practice of "morning pages": writing three pages of drivel every morning without fail, in order to clear out the internal static and make room for actual creative work/focus.)

( Some productive things I have successfully done... )

Also, sometime late last week we went "Hm, we seem to have invited 50 people over for lunch next Sunday, better start figuring out what we're doing for them," so there's been a flurry of list-making and menu-planning and inventorying and shopping.

Coming soon is the related realization "Hm, we seem to be about to leave on this five-week cross-country roadtrip, perhaps we should make sure we've tied up any loose ends, reach out with a rough idea of schedule to the people we hope to see, stuff like that."

... I mean, a full-time housewife!
... I mean, a full-time freelancer! :-D

Because my last day at work was Friday. One more milestone down.

On Day 1 (Monday) I did what I thought was the majority of my taxes, only to find out that I was facing almost $2000 in taxes (federal + state) due to having earned almost $7500 in freelance income in 2013. So I spent the bulk of yesterday going back through my 2013 credit card statements to claim Every Single Possible Deductible Expense, with the help of a shiny new OpenOffice spreadsheet, and succeeded in getting that tax bill down to about $700. Go me!

Also, taylweaver had us over for lunch this past Shabbat, and jessruth came over on Sunday to help us start packing (and eat lentil stew and homemade cookies). And we packed another 5+ cartons of books last night, with more to come tonight.

Also, yesterday was Death of Windows XP Day. Sniff!

Slightly belated, but here it is finally!

10 goals from 2013 ( cf. original list: LJ | DW )
( A mixed bag, but overall, progress was made. )

10+ additional achievements of 2013:
( This is almost entirely discontinuous from anything I envisioned last year. )

15 goals for 2014:
( I was going to make it 10, but then I found I really do have more plans than that framed out for this year. )

Wishing all of us a year of physical health, emotional growth, and spiritual abundance.

One funny note: ( Yesterday I found out that double-red-cell blood donation is also therapeutic for insomnia. Sort of. )

Today, justom left for DC around 1pm (to make himself scarce be out of my way for moving day by visiting marcusmarcusrc), and so we spent some time in the late morning patching things up to a reasonable détente. And then it actually took me til midafternoon to start making any serious headway on packing, but now the office is almost entirely packed, except of course for the computer (which I'll wait until Saturday).

So, I gather there are fireworks happening... possibly right this very minute. I had thought earlier of possibly going outside tonight to look at them, but right now I find that I really just don't care all that much! I think the best thing I could do would be to eat, pack a few more things, shower, and go to bed by 11pm.

ETA: I totally neglected to mention the awesome strike force consisting of chaos_wrangler and G, ladymondegreen, akawil, and pecunium, that descended on my house last Sunday afternoon and blitzed through packing ALL of my books and clothes in about 2.5 hours. This made a huge difference in terms of both logistics and morale, and I am incredibly grateful. ZZ will be on hand both Saturday (to help me bring over an advance carload) and Sunday (when the actual movers come), and I'm incredibly grateful for that too. <3

So, Tisha B'Av (the 9th of the month of Av) is a catastrophic day in the history of the Jewish people: anniversary of the destruction of both temples in Jerusalem, and of many many other calamities over the millennia.

"From the moment Av arrives, we are to diminish our rejoicing."
For the nine days preceding Tisha B'Av we observe intensified restrictions. We do not:
• eat meat, except on Shabbat
• drink wine, except on Shabbat
• purchase or wear new clothes
• get haircuts

At the same time, the month of Av is traditionally given the epithet "Menachem Av," Av the consoler. Hurt/comfort, if you will.

Nu, so Rosh Chodesh Menachem Av is Monday, July 8.

Right now I'm trying to pull my moving date back (or is that push it forward?) to Sunday, July 7, in an effort to get the fuck out of here. Because we are done. So very done. We had a chance to end things positively and respectfully, but no. I've often said that justom will never be contented until he has driven my expectations all the way down to zero. Well, our relationship has finally descended onto the Kelvin scale.

As noted on Facebook, I signed a lease in Brooklyn with alanscottevil the other night. (Pics of the lovely place here. Hoping for some kind of housewarming right after Tisha B'Av.)

I have accordingly begun the sorting/packing blitz, and ordered moving boxes to be delivered tomorrow (Friday) evening. Anyone NYC-local feel like coming over Sunday the 30th to give me a hand packing books and such? I'll feed you. Yes, I know it's the Pride Parade, but this is my own pride parade.

PS: On the topic of relationship recovery, capnawkward_rss offers up the poem "Love after Love" by Derek Walcott.

PPS: In happier news, my new band, the Bliss Jockeys, is playing tonight at Cafe Wha? down on MacDougal St., 7:00-8:30pm. I'm not actually singing with the band tonight -- my debut gig will be July 18, also right after Tisha B'Av -- but I'll be there rocking out (and helping out). This is a Perceivable Joy.
"There's more than just one recipe, girl, to feel good about what you choose,
So when it comes down to it, do what you gotta do."