relationship angst
Thursday, August 15th, 2002 07:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chanaleh
Sometimes I wish Jonathan had not [back in May-to-June] entered my life while Matthew was still in it. (Not that Matthew will ever really cease to be a part of my life, but.)
Other times I suppose I should be glad of what I have, regardless. But it does complicate my thinking about each of them. In fact, it makes me feel kinda guilty to try to enjoy having Jonathan in my life -- much less try to figure out where that should be going -- while I'm still sorting out my feelings about my relationship with Matthew. Of course it's true that overlapping romances are the rule rather than the exception for me -- but that actually makes me feel worse about this.
With Jonathan away this week, I hope to make some time to think about my life and what the hell needs to happen in it. It's been crossing my mind lately that perhaps what I should do, in order to achieve clarity, is take an actual vow of celibacy for a period of time. (Which, again, is sort of what I told myself I'd be doing in this "relationship hiatus" period, and totally failed at.) But maybe this week will provide a small step in that direction. (...Um, except for seeing Brian Saturday night.)
Meanwhile, Matthew has indicated that he's tentatively willing to continue discussions over e-mail -- if I have anything further to add to the discussion. What would I add, given this chance?
Other times I suppose I should be glad of what I have, regardless. But it does complicate my thinking about each of them. In fact, it makes me feel kinda guilty to try to enjoy having Jonathan in my life -- much less try to figure out where that should be going -- while I'm still sorting out my feelings about my relationship with Matthew. Of course it's true that overlapping romances are the rule rather than the exception for me -- but that actually makes me feel worse about this.
With Jonathan away this week, I hope to make some time to think about my life and what the hell needs to happen in it. It's been crossing my mind lately that perhaps what I should do, in order to achieve clarity, is take an actual vow of celibacy for a period of time. (Which, again, is sort of what I told myself I'd be doing in this "relationship hiatus" period, and totally failed at.) But maybe this week will provide a small step in that direction. (...Um, except for seeing Brian Saturday night.)
Meanwhile, Matthew has indicated that he's tentatively willing to continue discussions over e-mail -- if I have anything further to add to the discussion. What would I add, given this chance?