Comfort me with apples, for I am sick with love

[chanaleh]

Wow. I just lived through one of the longest, emotionally hardest nights alone that I have had in at least a year. But amazingly, I feel better today. Cleaner.

It seems that one of the things I need right now is some extra validation. You all are my community and, as such, one of my great richnesses. So I turn to you to help me hold the mirror up:

If you please, tell me something about me that you love. Not respect or admire; I'm feeling a little too over-thought these days as it is. What do you see in me? What strikes you as quintessentially me that makes you smile?

Comment anonymously if you want (lurkers can sign their comments or not). You can email me separately if you'd really rather, but I would find it more fun to keep everything here. Deep comments are appreciated, but frivolous ones are enjoyable too.

And, in asking for this, I am not sure how to handle responding to comments; I rather think I would like to *refrain* from responding to them, or otherwise I will feel obligated to come up with something similarly insightful to offer in response to each of you, which is also a valuable exercise but more taxing than I can commit to right now. :-} So, please know that I will value anything you share with me, and that if you could use some similar validation, I will do my best to return it later.

repeats to self: Growth. Love. Connection.

Comments

thank you

[kimberlogic.livejournal.com]

I love how open-hearted you are, how genuine you are in each encounter we have and those I see you have with others. Presence is an important, precious, needed gift that you give often. We've never had a chance to grow close yet each time we talk in person or connect online, I feel you bringing your whole awareness *and* a true sense of caring to me. I love that about you - and it is rare in this world yet you make it commonplace in your life. Thank you for that. *hugs*

[c1.livejournal.com]

I can trust you.
In a huge, deep way, I can trust you.

[oneagain.livejournal.com]

I find you an interesting combination of passionate and wise, courageous and analytical. There is a grace about you that unabashedly goes where your heart takes you, regardless of the opinion of others. That's kind of huge. Also? You give voice and beauty to life situations that help others to know, they are not alone.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

Passion and compassion.

[anotherjen.livejournal.com]

I don't know you that well, so I can only speak about "vibes." You seem genuinely sweet, and you have a joyful, childlike quality about you. But you aren't child-ish. You're thoughtful.

[jehanna.livejournal.com]

You're compassionate. Even though we haven't seen each other in years, you've been there for me.

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

I love the enthusiasm with which you take on new projects and the commitment with which you see them through.

[chenoameg.livejournal.com]

Whenever you walk into a room you make me happy to be there.

[heliopsis.livejournal.com]

I love your brilliant, but sometimes shy smile. That is, when you smile it is dazzling and engaging--one cannot but smile back! And sometimes I see you consider a smile, and I get to watch it spread across your face like dawn on the prairie. It's beautiful.

[barodar.livejournal.com]

I don't know you very well, but I'm always enjoyed your smile. You seem happy and open, and that makes me want to be friendly to you.

[moria923.livejournal.com]

As Kimberlogic pointed out, you always seem totally present with people. You listen attentively and really respond to what I'm saying. I really appreciate this.

Also, your blindness instincts are very good.

And I love your beautiful voice!

[kalliejenn2.livejournal.com]

i don't know you all that well, but i've always admired your willingness to make choices that will be best for you, even if they've been hard emotionally or otherwise in the short term.

[ladymondegreen.livejournal.com]

You are solid, and generous and smart, and loving and funny.

[msmidge.livejournal.com]

I love that you are the opposite of how crotchety I am.

[hahathor.livejournal.com]

I don't know if I ever told you how very much it means to me that you were able to look at something that I thought repulsive about myself and find it not only acceptable, but something to celebrate. You are often a beacon of joy & fun, but there were a couple of times (and one evening in particular) when you were a lighthouse to me when I was surrounded by darkness. I'm pretty sure you weren't even trying - you were just being your own glowing self.

I see you doing this with others often - and it's wonderful to bask in your illumination.

Plus you can sing the hell out of "When a Merry Maiden Marries."

[cos]

I don't know how well this fits the parameters of your question, because it's a big vague; it's not something I directly see in you, it's more the broader effects of lots of things I see in you:

I have a really hard time wrapping my head around the idea of anyone meeting you and not actively liking you. If someone doesn't seem to like you, it'd make me very suspicious of them. How can that person be a good, sane person, I'd wonder? I'm sure it's possible, I just wouldn't be able to understand it. There's hardly anyone else I feel this way about.

[gerisullivan.livejournal.com]

I love the wholeness with which you live your life.

I love how you brighten a room with your presence.

I love the willingness and skill with which you embrace change, change you wish you didn't need as well as change you strive for.

[scholargipsy.livejournal.com]

I could praise you for many things, Fräulein: your thespian talents, your lovely voice, your calligraphy, your general loveliness. But I think one of the things that I love about you is your profound capacity for, well, love. Ever since I've known you, you've been a firm believer in the reality and importance of romantic love, and through various searches, false and true, you've never given up pursuing it. (I suppose one of the reasons I see that aspect of your personality so clearly is that I share it, but that's another story.)

My fond hope is that your current relationship will turn out to be The One (as Dan Savage says, every relationship fails until the one that doesn't); but even if it doesn't, I have no doubt that you'll find him. You certainly deserve it.

>MWAH!< Feel better.

[dpolicar]

You are powerful, and vulnerable.

You approach the world with enthusiasm, and skepticism.

You are refined, and earthy.

You are tender, and strong.

You love deeply and think well. And also the other way around.

[taylweaver.livejournal.com]

I don't know you very well yet, but I know you well enough to love the idea that I will get to know you better once you move here.

Also the pin you made that Matthew and Terri brought back from Arisia for me. I really needed a pin like that, and thinking about the fact that someone out there makes such things makes me smile.

[(Anonymous)]

This is probably going to be more on the frivolous side. I love the way you give hugs. They're nice. :-)

[sanpaku.livejournal.com]

I will second the many things said above, especially that last one about the hugs. I remember the first time we met, you gave me a hug that took my breath away. And I love that you invited all of us to Boston for the seder when nobody in Rhode Island would. You'll always be aces in my book for that.

The worst thing about dark nights is that they come (for me, at least) at moments of consciously, but not INTENTIONALLY, shutting out all the good that we know is in the world. You seemed to be a very well-loved soul by so many people - exceptionally so, from what I've read here over the years and from what I've seen of who you are. Sometimes you have to sit in the dark awhile in order to force your brain to appreciate the light.

[mearah.livejournal.com]

I love your voice. And how you sing. I loved how when Ari was in the ICU, you came over for the very first Shabbat of his life and sang the blessings. He is so lucky that he was introduced to Shabbat with your beautiful singing.

[points.livejournal.com]

I think I always most loved about you is your sense of direction and certainty that you project. While it may not have always mirrored what was on the inside, it was always a powerful force for those on the outside. :)

It has led to, in many cases, clear negotiations, expectations and even a sense of comfort.

*hug*

[bluepapercup]

I adore your sincere enthusiasm and presence in conversations. I recall fondly sitting with you at the upstairs table in Christopher's in July and talking and eating as fast as we could to cram in as much catching up as possible. You were so *there* with me that it was possible for us to inhabit that moment fully and make it an incredibly satisfying two hours. I LOVE that!

<3

[desireearmfeldt]

Hard to pick a trait without having it either be "overthinking" or sounding like an obligation "you must do this or I won't like you any more...." Is it OK to just say that I'm fond of the whole you? :) I enjoy talking with you and sharing our mutual love for a big segment of stuff, as well as hearing you express your enthusiasm for some of the things in the world that I don't particularly care about but that you do.

[eudociainboston.livejournal.com]

Your voice and you are funny.

[pryder]

What I love about you is your personal warmth and your smile. When I see you and feel that warmth I can't help wanting to do my best to return some in your direction. You make my world feel like a happier and better place just by being there when you are in it.

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

Whenever I read your journal you're writing about something you're doing, something creative and lovely and interesting. And I still remember your generous, timely offer to Tigerlily.

*hugs you warmly*

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

I'm crazy about the way you love the people around you. We've only met a few times in person, and you're just so appealing, because you're obviously so invested in the people who matter to you- without being all new agey and tacky. It's lovely.

[alandd.livejournal.com]

You've always been one of the sweetest, most caring people I know and I've always enjoyed our (peripheral though it tends to be) interactions. From back when I was living on South Street with Dave and Debbie and Jeff, etc. to seeing you at Jon & Kriss's parties, your beautiful smile always brings one out in me!

[crazybone.livejournal.com]

We don't know each other that well but, one thing I will say is the following.
Forget the Grand Canyon, the Empire State Building, and King Kong.
Your smile is the Eighth Wonder of the World.

And I'll concur with the comment above about hugs as well.

[cycon.livejournal.com]

You're one of the few people who can calm me down quickly when I'm about to burst with frustration at something (or someone). You're incredibly warmhearted. You make just about anything more enjoyable simply by being involved.

Oh, and you're beautiful. Jus' sayin'.

[laurion]

I admire your ability to keep at it until progress is made.

[hilaritea.livejournal.com]

I love that you know how and when to insert humour into difficult situations. I could say more here, but it appears others beat me to it.

[infinitehotel.livejournal.com]

Late entry: It's almost always a pleasure to be in a room when you're in it. It's not a performative thing; you just bring a pleasantly positive vibe with you that smooths out the chop. It's a nice thing to watch.

I love

[drwex]

That you've been there for us when we needed our community, and I'm also eternally grateful.

[thevortex.livejournal.com]

(Sorry for the delay -- I have been remiss on my LJ checking.)

Two things immediately come to mind:

1) The way you express affection (especially hugs) -- you put your whole self into it, and make all of these expressions heartfelt. There is a rare and beautiful genuineness in the way you do it.

2) Your ability to connect with people. No matter whom I see you with, you always seem to be on his/her/their wavelength.

Huzzah!

The Vortex