A bit at loose ends

[chanaleh]

There's an ice cream truck that sporadically takes up residence down the block in the late afternoon. Mercifully, its beepy little tunes actually comprise quite a nice repertoire, ranging from "Für Elise" and "Greensleeves" to "Moon River" to "Morning Has Broken" and "The Sound of Silence"...

But last time I absoutely swear heard it playing "Dona Dona". A Jewish folk song about a calf being led to slaughter? Really? I mean, really?

Only in NYC, I guess.


So... I noticed as of today, or maybe last night, that endless vacation in the City That Never Sleeps is starting to wear just a little thin.

My problem is manifesting partly as a case of the don't-wannas. I've been doing some cooking most days. I've started working on an art project that someone from shul commissioned from me right before I left Boston. I'll be psyched to spend half a day writing my Rosh Hashanah cards when they get here, but that might not be until this Friday afternoon. But I don't really feel like doing the few unpacking-type things I have remaining (sweaters, scarves, the 15 shoeboxes of old letters and playbills I failed to sort through before the move and would really like to get cleared out). I don't really feel like doing any of the writing I've set out for myself over the past several months-to-years.

I've submitted at least 15 more job applications since Sunday morning, but it takes a surprising amount of mental energy -- and, though in principle I like to think that that earns me the right to some wholehearted leisure time, for every one I put in, I see three more I should apply to, so it kind of never ends.

As for leisure: Walking around and exploring is great, but I can only pound the pavement (so to speak) for about 2-3 hours a day before I start to drag. I can't seem to sleep more than 7 hours at a stretch [note entry timestamp], or manage to nap much. Having recently spent hundreds of dollars moving hundreds of books with me from Boston to here, I'm currently unenthusiastic about (re)reading any of them. I've thought about watching movies, but we sold my little old TV before the move and haven't yet obtained anything else to which I can hook up my VHS/DVD player! And there are lots of leisure-type activities I could see indulging in (see Harry Potter 7b in the theater, get a pedicure, attend a yoga class, sit and read/write in the yuppie coffeehouse down the block with a latte and a cupcake) if I wanted to spend the money, which I don't right now, things being how they are. (I know, I know, NYC has more free cultural offerings than one could possibly shake a Metrocard at -- the which said, even to get out downtown for most of it is $5 round-trip in subway fares. But the bigger problem is that I haven't really gotten the hang of all this yet, both in terms of tapping into the stream of possible activities, and then also filtering it to what actually feels worth checking out, as opposed to just 'anything that isn't the interior of this apartment'... which I suspect is a phenomenon related to Fear Of Missing Something.)

So instead, I end up sitting around half the day refreshing Facebook and LJ... which leads me to the insight that perhaps another part of my problem is that I am lonely, you guys. I'm used to having, not just a lot of responsibility, but generally a lot of inputs, social and otherwise. I haven't known what bored feels like in YEARS, because I organized my life that way. :-) It's good to get some downtime, but it leaves me a little... directionless.

Further compounding all this: One of the schools where I had interviewed last week has already said "no, thank you", and the other hasn't gotten back to me yet, but I'm not feeling super optimistic at the moment. (Fortunately, I am happy to announce that I *do* have another interview this Thursday morning -- thanks to jessruth's good networking! -- at a certain other Manhattan day school of the Modern Orthodox persuasion, so we'll see what happens there. But everything else I've submitted so far is just disappearing into a black hole.) Likewise, after I had such a good time with the Iolanthe performance this weekend, and was starting to look forward to having more singing opportunities with fun people in the near future... the results of my Blue Hill audition came back tonight as "gee, we had so many fine applicants, wouldn't you like to participate on the Backstage side this year?" Sigh. I mean, yes, I would, and I will, but I'm kind of going "But, but, don't I get to sing??" :-}

On the plus side, today I went out and had a nice lunch date with justom's sister-in-law, who was passing through Midtown, and then I walked around and window-shopped (successfully getting all the fun of trying on clothes without actually succumbing to buying anything). And I got a library card, which means many more new books and DVDs in my immediate future.

And don't forget we have our housewarming this Sunday night!

And now I think it's really bedtime.

Comments

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry that you're bored & lonely, at least a little bit. Maybe that's something this experience has to teach you--how to fill your life with yourself, at least when that's convenient. I made this a big piece of my move to California fifteen years ago and I think it changed me in ways that still reverberate through my life.

And I'm sorry that the BHT did not recognize your obvious talent and worth. I'm glad you're willing to give them the benefit of your considerable backstage talents, but I share your indignation.

I wonder what it takes to get a busking permit in NYC. I'm having visions of you singing a capella Jewish numbers in pertinent places. Probably more hassle than it's worth, but the vision amused me, so I figured I'd share.

New York is really hard without a sense of purpose. You'll get the hang of it. But right now I know it's tough and you have my sympathy.

[taylweaver.livejournal.com]

Part of the reason I'm scared to move any time soon is that it's hard to start out fresh. I've done the not working for two months over summer break thing (yay being a teacher), and no matter how productive I think I'll be... nope. The pile of papers that was on my coffee table at the start of the summer? Most of it's still there.

If you're looking for a productive, free and social way to fill your time while you job search, I wonder whether volunteering somewhere would fit the bill.

[donnad.livejournal.com]

The ice cream truck around here plays La Cucaracha.
Would you buy ice cream from a truck playing The Cockroach!

[moria923.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry about the job and the audition.

Actually, when I was in summer camp as a little girl, the music instructor taught us "Dona Dona Dona", but somehow the words never stuck so I didn't get it at the time. But yes, at least some people recognize it as a camp song.

[scholargipsy.livejournal.com]

"But he did not understand the price. Mortals never do. They only see the prize, their heart's desire, their dreams.... But the price of getting what you want is getting what you once wanted."

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

What, vacation time? >:-)

[scholargipsy.livejournal.com]

Think bigger.

[c1.livejournal.com]

::pebble::

[c1.livejournal.com]

On second thought... "pebbles" don't seem as good a fit for me anymore.

::stone::

[pekmez.livejournal.com]

I think the transition time from "this is long vacation in a new circumstance" to "this is my life" is a hard one, and you're only just getting into it now.

My most recent circumstance-change in life was a 2nd child, and I haven't permanently changed locations in half a lifetime, but I've heard said that about 3 weeks or a month in with a new chidl is one of the points where if you're going get depressed and overwhelmed, it hits you right about then. I wonder if that's not just the same for moving, somehow.

*hugs* from one of the loneliness-combatting little electronic people in your internet.

[msmidge.livejournal.com]

Volunteering is a good idea strategically too...I always meet interesting people who are well-connected that way!

[scholargipsy.livejournal.com]

"On any person who desires such queer prizes, New York will bestow the gift of loneliness and the gift of privacy. It is this largess that accounts for the presence within the city's walls of a considerable section of the population; for the residents of Manhattan are to a large extent strangers who have pulled up stakes somewhere and come to town, seeking sanctuary or fulfillment or some greater or lesser grail. The capacity to make such dubious gifts is a mysterious quality of New York. It can destroy an individual, or it can fulfill him, depending a good deal on luck. No one should come to New York to live unless he is willing to be lucky."

[mabfan.livejournal.com]

Ah, Here is New York. Good essay.

Suggestions you didn't ask for

[chenoameg.livejournal.com]

I am sorry lonely.

I have a bunch of not very helpful things to say.

"There is life outside your apartment" (Least helpful)

Consider taking a book with you and finding some awesome place to people watch.

Also don't forget to call people to talk from time to time. If it's not a good time for them to talk they'll tell you.

Would finding a place to volunteer hit the same exhaustion points as job hunting?

[awfief.livejournal.com]

*hugs* it's good to be lonely sometimes.

Also, don't worry about the theater -- remember that NYC is *full* of aspiring singers and actors, what with TV shows and Broadway all around, there's much more talent than in the Boston area (or rather, many more people, in Boston, it's mostly hobbyists). You're in a bigger pond now; I would be willing to bet that except for a few superstars, they recommend for everyone to work backstage first, to see if they're dedicated or just prima donnas.

Give yourself some structure to the day. Put a timer on for 15 minutes and start writing/unpacking/walking. You can stop when the timer is done. And then just do those things, without any particular goal other than time. (If you're writing you don't have to get into a project, just write in a journal, even if it's full of "I am just writing for 15 minutes but I don't know what to say"). You don't *have* to stop when the timer is done, but such a short amount of time often helps me get over the inertia of sitting on my butt.

(particularly on the "go for a walk". you don't have to pound the pavement for 2 hours, but find your local green spaces / bagel shops / whatever. 15 minutes a day, just get out there, before it starts raining the rest of this week!)

Also - can't you watch DVD's on your computer?

[scholargipsy.livejournal.com]

'Tis.

[stakebait.livejournal.com]

I know I'm no help since I am only free in the evenings which is not the time you need to spend, but I would like to see you.

How close are you to the Cathedral of St. John the Divine? Walkable? I highly recommend their vertical tour and their various cultural offerings (they've been known to have a tightrope walker in residence and do all night readings of Dante's Inferno on Halloween), not to mention bringing in the circus elephants for the Blessing of the Animals, though that is an actual religious event so I don't know if it would give you qualms.

Can you get plugged in to any of the Barnard/Columbia clubs/free events?

Volunteer work? I know you probably don't want to make commitments that you'd have to drop if and when you get a job, but it might make good connections and/or help with the directionless feeling.

[laurion]

Mmmn. Tallow flavored ice cream.....

[crewgrrl.livejournal.com]

We should have lunch!

[trowa-barton.livejournal.com]

I sympathize with what you are going through.
It seems to be the case for many types of life changes.

[dragonfriek.livejournal.com]

Can you take a laptop and go sit in a park somewhere? Or is that too dangerous?

[chenoameg.livejournal.com]

Smiles (my almost-two-year old daughter) looked at this comment and said "Ice Cream!" It took me longer to see it.

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

We SHOULD! When's good for you??

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

I would like to see you too! I do *also* have free evenings. :-) Suggest a night!

Yeah, we're very near the Cathedral. I hadn't thought of it as a resource, but I will def. check out the tour.

This is why I don't generally take breaks between jobs

[drwex]

Of course I realize yours is not wholly voluntary and I sympathize. When I'm unemployed I find I'm good for about two weeks and tolerable for about two more and then that's it. Good luck with your boredom and on the job search.

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

... I don't think you have any cause to be throwing stones! Geez!!

;-)

[mercurysparkle.livejournal.com]

*Hugs* I totally understand how you feel. I moved 3 towns and I felt like the rug was pulled out from under me for quite some time (some days I still feel like I've moved to a new planet). Hang in there! My Dad used to say it takes 3-6 months to feel at home/work into in a new job, a new location or new way of doing things. The "learning curve" is really steep at the beginning as everything is new. My freshman year at Brandeis was quite an adjustment - new "home life," new friends, new food, new transportation (the Bran Van).....I called home for a familiar voice and my Dad said to "give it time, and let osmosis happen." I pass that bit of wisdom on to you. *Hugs*

[vettecat.livejournal.com]

I'm sure it's hard to go from hyper-busy to having so much free time. I hope you find new ways to channel your energy soon.

[davidfcooper.livejournal.com]

Sorry you're lonely and at loose ends. Engaging volunteer jobs are scarcer than paying jobs thanks to the oldest babyboomers reaching retirement, and either way job hunting is a full-time job.

To meet local people who share your enthusiasms try local meetups (http://www.meetup.com/cities/us/ny/new_york/). In addition to the local resources already mentioned I would add the JCC of Manhattan (http://www.jccmanhattan.org/) which is a brisk 40 minute walkor leisurely 60 minute stroll from where you live.

I would be happy to go for a walk with you some afternoon either in Manhattan, or if you're curious I could show you around Brooklyn. I'm supposed to walk three miles per day (though not necessarily all at once) and I have lots of books I need to read and review, but I can do some of the reading on the subway if I don't travel during rush hour.

[c1.livejournal.com]

They'll stone you when you're trying to go home
They'll stone you when you're there all alone
But I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get stoned

[chuckro.livejournal.com]

Central Park is safe during the day; plenty of parts of it are well-populated. Other choices include Starbucks or the NY public library.

[chuckro.livejournal.com]

Wait, hold on: Your housewarming is _this_ Sunday? Like, 9/25? Because I think we can actually do that. I think my brain connected it with a different week when I first saw the invite.

[ladymondegreen.livejournal.com]

Since I'm currently mostly housebound, and it's relatively easy to get to my place (Subway to PATH train) do feel free to come over. I can e-mail you directions.

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

Yuh-huh! The 25th. I would love it if you guys could make it.

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

Ooh, yes! I've actually already taken the PATH once to visit chuckro and jethrien, so I will be glad to do that. Pick your day!

[bluepapercup]

My mom used to sing me Dona Dona as a bedtime song. I have very fond memories of lying in bed as a child, holding onto my "cool blanket" (the one that stayed cool to the touch for some reason) and her singing Dona Dona as she gently stroked my arm to make me sleepy. Only as an adult did I realize it's not a happy song. She, by the way, learned it as a teenager at camp!

Also, I agree with lillibet. Alone time in a new place can be a wonderful chance to find the quiet corners of your own heart and mind and become accustomed to them (either for the first time, or again). I hope the restlessness resolves into peaceful presence. :)

[jehanna.livejournal.com]

Everybody else has already given much useful advice, so I'll just say that I hope you settle in soon!

[taylweaver.livejournal.com]

Oddly, I moved to Manhattan for the community. (The Jewish community, specifically.)

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

Hee. It's not THAT dangerous around here. Daytimes, at least. :-D Morningside Park is very near here also. But not at night.

[goljerp]

Belated Suggestions on how to narrow down the immense amount of things to do:

1. You live in Manhattan. You're paying a higher rent for a smaller place than if you were in an outer boro. So don't even bother with the outer boros. Unless, you know, you really really want to.

2. Realize that you can't do everything. Even the people whose job it is, can't do everything.

Other tips:

* Metrocards have free transfers from subway to bus (and vice versa), if you do it within 2 hours of the initial swipe. You can use this to cut down on costs -- for example, you might be able to walk to the 2, take it to 72nd street, do some shopping at Fairway, and then take the M7 home.

* Speaking of Metrocards, pro tip: have you noticed how if you put $20, $40, or most other amounts onto the card, you're left with some change at the end? You can go to a token booth and get them to combine multiple cards into one, to eke out that last ride.

* Really pro metrocard trip: If you're not doing an unlimited card, and you don't want to have small amounts of change left on the card, you need to remember the number $39.95. That's right, $39.95. Act now, and enter that manually into the metrocard machine. You'll get (including the bonus) an even 19 rides, with no money left over, out of it. Remember, $39.95.

* New York is big. Really, really, big. There's no way that you can become an expert in all of it. But you can walk around a few neighborhoods and become familiar with them. I'd suggest yours is a good place to start, and the columbia area ('cause it's close). Another 'hood which is fun is the West village, although that is, of course, a metrocard away. Oh, and it's not really grid-like, so a map helps. Actually, maps are very useful if you go below 14th street or above 125th, as things tend to break down below 14th street, and get a bit weird above 125th.

* Grocery stores. There are probably some OK ones nearby you; then there are the cool markets like Fairway, Zabars, Trader Joe's, and, I suppose, Citerella. Oh, and the sorta cool ones like West Side Market. And the specialty stores, like The Kosher Marketplace, and the market formerly known as supersol (thanks, Ladymodegreen!) And I guess I should mention Whole Foods (although the prices there will probably not be great for you while unemployed). One plus about being unemployed, if you are OK with doing a lot of looking around, is that you can shop around and find where different grocery items are the least expensive. Something else I've gotten into the habit of doing in NYC is making several small grocery trips, rather than one big one.

Unfortunately, the summer is really the best time for free theater and music in NYC; there's stuff all year round, but the outdoor stuff kinda shuts down in the fall.

Oh, and one last tip: if you have a friend you can hang out with in the 'hood during the day, that really helps -- even if it's just occasionally.

[cycon.livejournal.com]

Thinking of you. That is all.