I Am Large, I Contain Multitudes

Bamidbar was actually last week's Torah portion, not today's, but this is a theme that's been much on my mind the past couple weeks, and then it was borne out further as follows:

This week, I actually managed to drag myself to shul for the 2nd morning of Shavuot. This was a bonus in a couple of ways: reading the Book of Ruth, and also they happened (presumably due to Yizkor) to be doing ASL interpretation during services that day, and I always find that fun and interesting (apart from having a mild crush on the guy who runs the program, but anyway).

In the rabbi's sermon, he started off asking: Why did the b'nei yisrael have to go to the wilderness in order to receive the Torah? What is the connection between wilderness and revelation? And he brought in a concept from the Midrash, which connects it to the notion of hefker, which is a Talmudic technical term meaning "ownerless", denoting a thing that is up for grabs -- like an item of lost or abandoned property, or like the dust of the earth. And apparently the Midrash says "Anyone who does not make himself hefker [open to all] like a wilderness cannot acquire wisdom and Torah." (Bemidbar Rabbah 1:7) You have to go into the wilderness, unmoor yourself, in order to become vulnerable to the wide spectrum of possibility... to make room for the revelation.

... And that's exactly what I have been feeling the last week and a half. Ownerless. But strangely liberated. Like there are suddenly a hundred possible paths, all of which will lead to good things. Expansive. Sometimes hit with torrents of feeling, yes... but mostly, fundamentally, at peace.

So yeah, it was one of those laser-targeted moments. You know it's reached me when I am sitting there in shul with tears streaming down my face... and in a cleansing way, not a bitter way. Somehow Rabbi Sebert manages to do that to me a lot.

After the service, I saw my friend C (the one who is justom's family friend and brought me there in the first place), and when she said "How are you?" I said, "Hefker." It took a minute to get the point across ("Wait, you didn't lose your job?" "No..."), but she got it. And that was helpful too.

( Also, to answer the #1 FAQ, yes, I am staying in NYC for at least the next several months. )

Meanwhile, I signed up for a six-week Russian class, Tuesday nights starting June 4. And I'm also planning to try to make contra dancing tonight. (Though of course, I still haven't managed to see Iron Man 3 either. Sigh!)


ETA, 6/27/2013: In thematically related news, this article (which I first saw closer to its original post date, at which time it was at least equally relevant) just floated back up to the top of my Facebook feed, h/t shadesong. Yeah. This. Also.

Pro tip: Crossposting from Dreamwidth requires different syntax for LJ user links. But it works, it works!

Anyway.

Ten achievements of 2011: ( 2011 was the year I... )

Ten goals for 2012:

1. Finally replace the Treo 680 with an Android phone
It's coming to be necessary for my professional cred as a web/social media maven.

2. Go contra dancing at least once per calendar month
This represents a sixfold increase over 2011, when I went a total of twice.

3. Establish a habit of walking home from work at least once a week
When I was unemployed on vacation for 2 months, I was walking miles every day and it was great.

4. Implement new website for Ramaz
A professional goal, not a personal one, but then the professional is personal, as they say.

5. Host a Shabbat dinner
With lots of singing. In NYC. Who wants to come?

6. Take (and post) more pictures
Documenting my experience of the city. You see things differently with a camera in your hand.

7. Get net worth up over $100,000
90% of this is locked up in retirement savings, as it should be, but still. It's reachable.

8. Join the Frontstage side of the Blue Hill Troupe
Hoping that next year's shows will be of more interest to me than Utopia. We'll find out this spring!

9. Establish a partnership with the shared goal of having a family
Let's acknowledge that there are lots of possible (and many mutually exclusive) subgoals under this, the exact combination of which will vary highly depending on the chain of circumstances, so I'm not really ready to unpack all of them right now. But I'm naming the intention.

10. Complete a draft of a novel
In some ways this goal feels the farthest away... and reaches the farthest back, since I wanted to Be A Writer from the time I could hold a pencil.

Heeb Magazine announces the 2009 Heeb 100 -- their top picks of Jewish Americans who are "young, smart and innovative." (Edited To Add: Sure, not as insightful as The Jewish Week's 36 under 36, or the Forward 50, each of which had the good sense to cite hatam_soferet! but I still find this kind of index interesting. >:-)

Ethan Zuckerman reviews a talk by Daniel Gilbert called "The Four Answers", on why it’s so hard to know what makes us happy. ETA: The link to this came via a post (on my birthday, entitled "Joy") from vlvn_rabbi, whom I don't know but have started reading because I like reading about the things she writes about, even if I am not (currently) often in a place of sufficient mindfulness to fully take them in.

And, in not unrelated news, and also in honor of National Coming Out Day yesterday, ( have some links on polyamory. )