Ze angst, she weighs heavily on me tonight.

[chanaleh]

All I want is...

a job that is more than 50% fun/energizing stuff and less than 50% niggling crap hanging over my head that I hate, but still pays at least $40k a year -- or preferably enough to afford... a home of my own with a private porch or a garden, an adequate supply of dark and quiet, and more than four rooms -- but still within walking distance of... a shul community where I can have the religious experience that I want, BUT my every shortfall does not land directly on the shoulders of someone already as overburdened as I am.

-- And a partner who merits and inspires and needs (or actually wants) my love, in all its depths and facets. ('Cause getting any two out of those three is all very well, but it's not what I truly want.)

(Oh, and a couple of beautiful Jewish children before I'm 40. And to be able to stay in New England forever. And voice lessons again, and an excuse to get myself out dancing more than once a year, and a 10-day trip to Israel, -- and fine, while I'm at it, a convertible. And a puppy.)

Is that so wrong?

... Is this PMS? Pesach-induced blood sugar swings? Post-[seder] letdown? Work stress? Shul stress? Vicarious prod-week stress? Loneliness? Plain old out-of-sorts?

Nothing that a hot bath and an early bedtime couldn't fix, I suppose. At least, except for the part where I failed to send my mom even a birthday card on time (for today), but it's too late to worry about that for now. All I can do is call her up.

Comments

[leiacat.livejournal.com]

Would an offer of a hug be welcome? If so, if I may, I would like to so offer.

aww. :-}

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

*hug* Thanks. That's generally always welcome.

And fortunately, a chatty phonecall with Mom over that hot bath also seems to have helped a bit.

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

Do you know the House Jacks' song "I Want It All"? If not, there's a clip on their site. I think you'd find it fun.

Sorry all you've got isn't seeming like enough this week. Don't worry too much about it. Like the Crow says, can't rain all the time.

[dpolicar]

you can visit the puppy, if that would help.

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

woof!

I would like that sometime.

[dpolicar]

Always welcome. Lovely icon. What's your schedule like? (Hah!)

[chaiya.livejournal.com]

Good. You know what you want. These all seem like pretty reasonable requests to me. Now, how will you change your life so you start getting it? That's the next step. *hugs*

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

*cries*

[chaiya.livejournal.com]

Aw, no, I didn't mean that to be overwhelming. I just think that you should dream big if you want big things, and you have every right to achieve one, many, or all of the things on that list. Perhaps what I should have said is, "what first step do you think you can start on so that you work toward one of those goals in a major or minor way?"

*hugs* Don't cry, pretty lady. We love you.

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thanks.

Well, I am expecting that trip to Israel to come through... And I do have a trial voice lesson scheduled for a week from Monday... :-}

[chaiya.livejournal.com]

See? There you go, you've already got plans in motion. :)

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

OMG your icon!!

[chaiya.livejournal.com]

Hee!

[msmidge.livejournal.com]

That's what I was thinking too.

[vettecat.livejournal.com]

Nothing wrong with goals, as long as you don't expect to get everything at the same time...

[kalessin.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[quietann.livejournal.com]

******hugs******

we love you! not much else I can say right now....

[marmota.livejournal.com]

Is this PMS? Pesach-induced blood sugar swings? Post-seder letdown? Work stress? Shul stress? Vicarious prod-week stress? Loneliness? Plain old out-of-sorts?

It's Spring. The whole world is renewing itself and reveling in itself... so every look out the window or stroll down the street can be a painful reminder of not having the family/home/community/job/life you want to be reveling in. Why yes, I'm a bit out of sorts too. *hugs*

[mangosteen]

*hugs*

Just..... *hugs*

[ceo]

*hugs*

[points.livejournal.com]

I'd say you're more on the way to getting much of what you want than you were at any other time in your life. Keep your eyes on the prize, set a plan, take it one step at a time.

And my pups are always up for more luvin'. ;)

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

The thing is, you're probably right. Which you'd think would make it easier rather than harder to deal with, wouldn't ya? :-}

[thevortex.livejournal.com]

Sending along happy wishes for the fulfillment of your own, hugs, and (of course)

HUZZAH!

The Vortex

[lonebear.livejournal.com]

hug

[hammercock.livejournal.com]

That's not so unreasonable, y'know? *hug*

[mixedborder.livejournal.com]

May all your wishes come true!

[skreeky]

And a parking space for the convertible, don't forget.

*hugs*

Good things come in the most unexpected forms. Have a jelly thingy, and I'm glad the hot bath and mom talk helped.

[navrins]

*hug*

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

Back atcha. Been thinking of you -- it's good to get your occasional updates. :-)