I Am Large, I Contain Multitudes

I've started waking up at 4am again the last couple days; not (principally) from anxiety, more because I probably need to reinstate "no liquids after 9pm", but it is annoying.

Generally, though, in the past day or so I am starting to feel marginally less stressed. (I had dinner tonight -- er, Wednesday night -- with edashevs and mearah, who took one look at me and said "You look great! More relaxed!" Well, yes, although also no...)

+ major work event came off very successfully on Tues night
+ three weeks of prep time to go until the next major work event
+ budgeting issues (which have previously been causing me to lose sleep) on a different large work project are being properly resolved
+ a few promising candidates have come in already for my job opening
+ did grocery shopping for the first time in a month
+ as previously noted, successfully talked to my mom last Sunday about the NYC move
+ only one more weekend to get through without justom
+ fun/exciting stuff coming up the next three weekends
+ planning to use this Saturday night to go see the Longwood Players' production of The Secret Garden (Saturday's their closing show). Anyone want to join me? Or meet for dinner beforehand?

- summer weekends are evaporating rapidly
+ girls' getaway to Maine with jessruth planned for July 7-10

- still need to write my parting remarks for the tremontstshul board, to be read at the elections meeting in my absence (no one's asked me to do this, but it would be nice)
- Honorable Menschen political bullshit still ongoing, though it's calmed slightly of late
+/- total platonic* crush on newest HM tenor, the yeshiva bochur ( * )
- still need to send my niece, who turned 13 (!) yesterday, a b'day present
- still need to work on getting clothes and household stuff purged (jessruth is coming up for the purpose next weekend, but this Saturday is Give Your Stuff Away Day), not to mention do a month's worth of laundry
- nagging relationship anxieties are always magnified at 4am wakeups
- therapy in 2.5 hours, which makes me wonder if I can't get another hour's nap in before the original alarm actually goes off.

ETA, 5:58am: No, apparently no point. *puts coffee on (decaf) and goes to look at this week's Torah reading instead*

I had the Plague most of last week. ( moderately gory details ) But by Friday I was on the mend (physically, if still bottoming out emotionally, but that's also much improved now as PMS Day is past and my general reserves are bouncing back). Got in some R&R this weekend, thanks in part to having bagged on lunacon -- and the Major Work Event went off successfully on Sunday night. So for this couple of days, we're doing several kinds of post-event cleanup and enjoying being able to leave at 5:30pm again.

Tonight: a mountain of laundry (literally, it's towering about 3 feet high at this point) and dinner with ablock before my 9:15pm rehearsal call. And it's sunny and mild out and I am, despite the lingering low-grade hacking cough, happy.

J is going on interview #4 this week -- at Columbia! *does the dance of joy* He's going down Wednesday afternoon, interviewing Thursday and some of Friday, returning Friday evening. (Interview trip #3 was March 5-7, to IU Bloomington. No further commentary on that for now, at least in the public record.)

And Thursday is Rosh Chodesh Nisan, which means Passover is barely 2 weeks away. On the one hand: Gah! On the other: I get an honest-to-God work vacation the entire week, much of which (after getting back from having both seders in Virginia, which I'm also much looking forward to) I expect to spend on housecleaning and general life maintenance, in the best possible ways... and admixed with judicious amounts of plain goofing off. Awww yeah. *dusts off the GameCube*

April calendaring to come next week. ;-)

All I want is... ( everything that seems so close and yet so far out of my reach. ) Is that so wrong?

... Is this PMS? Pesach-induced blood sugar swings? Post-[seder] letdown? Work stress? Shul stress? Vicarious prod-week stress? Loneliness? Plain old out-of-sorts?

Nothing that a hot bath and an early bedtime couldn't fix, I suppose. At least, except for the part where I failed to send my mom even a birthday card on time (for today), but it's too late to worry about that for now. All I can do is call her up.

Last night my homeboys made me swear up and down that I would call today for a doctor's appointment, because my right wrist has now been bugging me to various degrees for over three weeks. Since I got the new brace, it's much improved over what it was for a while, but now there's a spot on the outside (just under the heel of my hand) that feels noticeably sore and possibly swollen. Not a lot, but clearly it's not normal either.

I hate calling for appointments. Having the appointment doesn't faze me a bit, but making it is like pulling teeth sometimes. Do I really think this represents a medical danger? Are they going to tell me anything other than "take some ibuprofen, use some ice, try to lay off the typing/mousing"? And if not, what's the point?

But I said I would, so I had to.

( In which I learn the meaning of 'suck it up'. )

Still didn't feel like eating much in the way of lunch, so I got frozen yogurt with strawberries and kiwi on it instead.

I hereby forbid any of you to tell me any more sad stories about how you just can't bring yourself to do XYZ important thing that you know perfectly well is for your own good. This is how it's done. I don't want to hear your excuses.

Love from PMS-land,
chanaleh

Ad-ana, HaShem, tishkacheni netzach?
Ad-ana tastir et-panecha mimeni?
Ad-ana ashit etzot b'nafshi, yagon bilvavi yomam?

How long, G-d? Will You forget me for ever? How long will You hide Your face from me?
How long must I bear pain in my soul, and have sorrow in my heart all the day?

(This is from Psalm 13:1-2... but it seems like a long time since I did not feel like this.)