My Life in 15 Minutes

[chanaleh]

Inspired by dragonfriek via m15m. Because, really, what did I have to do tonight that was better than this? (Okay, and make buttons for invisible__girl and dphilli1, but I did that first.)


mitgsp: Hey, how come you aren't in Ruddigore?
mrmorse: *shuffles feet*
Me: *shuffles feet* Um, too busy.
Honorable Menschen: Hey, come sing with us instead!
Kosher Boy: Yeah!
Me: Sure!

Noreascon 4: Hey, will you do publications work for us?
Me: Sure!
Machine Parts People: Hey, will you do more catalogs for us?
Me: Sure!
Former Arisia Con Chair: Hey, since I'm now Publications Div Head, will you be my Assistant Div Head?
Me: *cries*
Former Arisia Con Chair: Pretty pretty please?
Me: Nice try, kilt boy.
Machine Parts People: How about we throw an emergency advertising job at you at 4pm for 9am turnaround and not have any copy to give you so you'd basically have to write it as well as design it?
Me: Fuck you, do I look like an ad agency?
Machine Parts People: ...
Me: Shit, I really should have done it and charged them $100/hour. *facepalm*
Machine Parts People: *fall off the face of the earth*
Me: Was it something I said?

Me: Hello, sailor.
tenore: Awww yeah.
ablock: *shakes head*

Shul: Hey, will you lay out the newsletter every three months?
Me: Sure!
Shul: How about every two months when we feel like it?
Me: Sure!
Shul: How about designing t-shirts? And publicity booklets? Haven't you been talking about these for, like, a year?
Me: Look, I'm working on it, okay? At least we did the magnets.
Shul: Well, okay. But you've still got primary responsibility for our having 20s&30s programming, right?
Me: Sure!
ablock: Hey, I'm helping.
kalessin: Me too!
tapuz & laurens10: Us too!
Me: THANK GOD.
Shul: And you'll still be making sure the Friday night minyan takes place every week, right?
Me: Sure!
ablock: Hey, I'm helping.
Me: THANK GOD.
musicjill: Me too!
Shul: ...
Me: Also, I will continue to leyn Torah every week, out of pure love.
Shul: Yay!

jessruth: Girl!
Me: Yay!
jessruth: We must chat!
Me: Soon!

mitgsp: How about Thespis?
tenore: Yeah!
Me: *shuffles feet* Um, still too busy.
mitgsp: Well, will you at least design the programs? We hear you do some of that.
Me: Sure!

Guy from Shul: Hey, will you go out with me?
Me: ...

World: NO E-MAIL FOR YOU!
Me: But I love this account! I've had it since I was a starry-eyed youth of 19 and that's why I'm stuck with stupid "muffin" for the rest of my life! Google knows every page on my entire site!
World: NO E-MAIL FOR YOU!

Kosher Boy: I've never had a serious girlfriend, is the thing.
Me: That's okay, I guess.
KB: Mostly because I can't get worked up enough about anyone I would actually consider being serious about.
Me: That's okay, I guess.
KB: Ever.
Me: Yeah, okay. So maybe we could just be, um, friends.
KB: Um. Yeah.
Me: ...
KB: ...
*snog furiously*

Guy from Shul: How about now?
Me: ...

tenore: Let me take you in my arms, sweet darling.
Me: *shuffles feet*
tenore: C'mon, I'll take you out and show you a good time. Dancing and a nice dinner. Whaddaya say?
Me: ...
tenore: Um. Okay. How about a burger and a video?
Me: *freaking out* I'm really sorry, okay?!!?
tenore: ...?
Me: Nothing's wrong, everything's perfectly fine, what could possibly be -- AAAAUGH!
ablock: *shakes head*
tenore: ... Weren't you the one who came after ME in the first place?
Me: ...

Mom: When are you going to come visit me?
Dad: When are you going to come visit me?
Mom: You never call!
Dad: You never call!
Me: ... Okay, I bought tickets.
Mom: Yay!
Dad: Just kidding, I'm still too sick. But seriously, when are you going to come visit me?

Kosher Boy: ...
Me: I wonder if this is really something I need in my life?
KB: ...
tenore: Hey, remember me? WTF???
Me: ...

World: NO E-MAIL FOR YOU!
Me: Please oh please don't make me leave you.
My Geek Brother: You know, there's really no reason to get false positives on spam filtering. At all. Geez.
World: NO E-MAIL FOR YOU!

jessruth: We must chat!
Me: Yes! We must chat! Soon!

mrmorse: Woe, for I am a loser.
Me: ...
mrmorse: Alas, the suck that is my life.
Me: I still love you anyway, you know.
mrmorse: Oh yeah? Then how come you can't trust me? Huh? You're the one withholding trust here!
Me: ...
tenore: Hellooooooo!

HaKadosh Baruch Hu: If I wanted you to get married and have beautiful Jewish children, I'd send you someone you could actually stand for more than a couple of months. Right? Of course right.
ablock: *waves*
kalessin: *waves harder*
points: Hiya, beautiful.
HaKadosh Baruch Hu: Nah, just kidding. Keep cooling your heels. All of you.
ablock: ...
kalessin: ...
points: Mrrf.
HaKadosh Baruch Hu: Meanwhile, have some more cute Italian Catholic boys. And one or two attractive but emotionally unavailable Englishmen.
Former Arisia Con Chair: Hey!
cheesyhill: Erm, leave me out of this too, thanks.
HaKadosh Baruch Hu: Oh yeah, and a couple of fabulous Jewish men who are already blissfully married, just to round things off.
Me: *cries*

desireearmfeldt: Wanna play one of the most coveted strong-female roles in modern American theater?
Me: Hell yes!
desireearmfeldt: Great! We're rehearsing 15 hours a week from now until showtime.
Me: ...
desireearmfeldt: Also, the performances will be timed such that a large bunch of your friends cannot attend due to Shabbat. Now, find me the subtext in this seemingly schizophrenic passage of dialogue!
Me: It's a damn good thing all my co-stars are so fucking cute.
navrins: God, but I do love being king!
justom: ... Huh?
zebediah: ... Oh really.
Me: -- Sorry, was that my outside voice?

20s&30s E-mail List: Weren't you supposed to have sent us some announcements about, like, some upcoming events and shit?
World: Hahahaha! I will eat the announcement confirmations so that no listmail can be sent! Ever!
Me: *cries*
Mom: How come you don't ever meet anyone nice through shul?

Me: Boys!
jessruth: Arrgh!
Me: We must chat!
jessruth: Yes! We must chat! Soon!

tenore: Are you actually planning to be with me ever again, or what?
Me: *cries*
tenore: ...
Me: ... Doesn't really look like it, though, huh?
scholargipsy: *shakes head*

Shul: How about that booklet thingy?
Noreascon 4: How about those program thingies?
Machine Parts People: How about those catalog thingies?
Me: *cries* *rereads entire Harry Potter series between rehearsals*

Guy from Shul: How about now?
Me: ... I'm getting over a couple of breakups spanning the past year, is the thing. I don't think I'm in the right place to --
Guy from Shul: Penn Jillette is reading at the Coolidge next Wednesday.
Me: Well, maybe just this once.

mrmorse: Lose lose lose. Suck suck suck.
Me: How hard can it be, really, to actually *apply* for a job?
mrmorse: But... lose! Suck!
Me: Sit the fuck down and print out some resumes. NOW.
mrmorse: Oh, you mean like this?

Kosher Boy: ...
Me: ...
KB: ...
Me: ... Well, there ya go.

World: NO E-MAIL FOR YOU!
Me: Couldn't we at least have whitelist privileges?
World: SPAMMERS! THE SPAMMERS ARE COMING! NO E-MAIL FOR ANYONE!
Me: *starts the painful process of changing pointers globally to <erica@alumni.brandeis.edu>*
Gmail: Hello, sailor.


Edit: I'm still making revisions here and there, so read it again the next time you come back. :-)

Comments

[bluepapercup]

*laughs*

*cries*

*hughughughughug*

[coraline]

sadly, you have just missed the world premiere of coraline does dramatic readings from "chaneleh's life in 15 minutes", which was greeted with great aclaim (or at least hysterical gails of giggles, and groans of sympathy) by tcb, nacht_musik and jencallisto.

[navrins]

Heh - I was restraining myself from doing dramatic readings myself. It would not have been wise. Right? Of course right!

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

NO DRAMATIC READINGS FOR YOU! :-)
(Save it up for next week!)

[navrins]

...

[sunspiral.livejournal.com]

::howl::
That was wonderful! At least you don't have to worry about cousins.

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

... Cousins?

[sunspiral.livejournal.com]

Um, cousins. Yeah, cousins. Totally.

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

Ohhh! COUSINS. Totally cousins. In conclusion, cousins. :-)

(All my cousins are girls, of course...)

[navrins]

And sisters and aunts?

[scholargipsy.livejournal.com]

Very funny stuff; I am now inspired to do one of my own....

last minute button addition??

[bluebythebook.livejournal.com]

First, highly enjoyed the m15m treatment of your life. ;-)

Secondly... would it be a world of trouble create another custom button on your website to be shipped with my current order? You see, a lot of the buttons I ordered from you were for friends. I was originally going to give Andy the "All your buttons are belong to us," but have since decided a custom button with a Bill Hicks line would be more appropriate. If you have to charge me shipping for the new button, that's fine. I just want to kindly ask to have all of them shipped together. If this delays shipping a few days, that is also fine. Thank you! :-D

Re: last minute button addition??

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

Aaah, I already sealed the package. :-/
E-mail me the text though and I'll send it along soon, free of charge. *hugs*

Re: last minute button addition??

[bluebythebook.livejournal.com]

Oh well, no worries Erica. Thank you so much though!!! I know he is going to love it.

[dragonfriek.livejournal.com]

Hmmmwahahahahaaaa! I have been a Bad Influence. At least now I have a legacy. :)

Crap, now I'm tempted to make my posting public. Except my parents would KILL me, and I think Person-Who-Shall-Remain-Nameless knows who he is. *fret* *stress*

OTOH, there's always sequels. :)

[76trombones.livejournal.com]

You managed to cause more than one resume in a 24-hour period! Go you!

(I am dead serious.)

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

*wince* *laugh* *wince* *laugh*

[gilana]

Damn that Jewish guilt... I feel like I *should* feel bad for laughing so hard at your life!

[mabfan.livejournal.com]

I hope you meant for us to laugh at this...it was most amusing as I kept wishing for better things in your life.

I can especially sympathize with the email problem, of course...and Gmail's comment to you was priceless.

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

Dude, of COURSE it is to laugh. I'd be disappointed otherwise. :-)

Though also, some of the point is how much I set *myself* up for this stuff... yeah, I know, big surprise!

[sanpaku.livejournal.com]

That was great! Thank you!

[points.livejournal.com]

Ooh! Do I get to pick who does my walk-on part? :)

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

Dunno, whom would you pick? :-)

*hugs*

[points.livejournal.com]

James Earl Jones. I think he has the appropriate voice for my lines. *nods sagely*

[greenlily.livejournal.com]

*hug* oh my. Sometimes, with all your other mad art skillz, I forget what a superb writer you are. To treat material like this in such a way that it makes people laugh and tear up at the same time is a gift.

[76trombones.livejournal.com]

So true.

[infinitehotel.livejournal.com]

Even without knowing most of the players it's an interesting sensation to wince while laughing. That's good writing.

(And even if they're not what you're looking for, I'm glad there's some higher power out there looking out for the Italian (ex)Catholic boys. Lord knows we could use the help. :)

Dammit!

[cheesyhill.livejournal.com]

I don't really need my colleagues looking over my shoulder to find out exactly why I'm laughing like an insane hyena. Still, it was worth it :)

[achinhibitor.livejournal.com]

Wanna play one of the most coveted strong-female roles in modern American theater?

What role is that?

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

Ah, Eleanor of Aquitaine in The Lion in Winter. The classic 1968 movie adaptation featured Katharine Hepburn.

Our performances will be July 30-31 in the Davis Square area. Watch this space for official details :-)

[xdaemon.livejournal.com]

I figured that had to be the role you were talking about. When we did TLiW a couple years ago, we had a who's who of local actresses turn out, all because they all felt that they could finally do the role justice. Including people who hadn't acted in years but had been directing - it was the only role they were willing to go back on stage for.

[temima.livejournal.com]

This post needs a Handpuppet Theater rendition, like that Lord of the Rings thing.

[ladymondegreen.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

*hugs*
LMG