My Life in 15 Minutes

[chanaleh]

Inspired by dragonfriek via m15m. Because, really, what did I have to do tonight that was better than this? (Okay, and make buttons for invisible__girl and dphilli1, but I did that first.)


mitgsp: Hey, how come you aren't in Ruddigore?
mrmorse: *shuffles feet*
Me: *shuffles feet* Um, too busy.
Honorable Menschen: Hey, come sing with us instead!
Kosher Boy: Yeah!
Me: Sure!

Noreascon 4: Hey, will you do publications work for us?
Me: Sure!
Machine Parts People: Hey, will you do more catalogs for us?
Me: Sure!
Former Arisia Con Chair: Hey, since I'm now Publications Div Head, will you be my Assistant Div Head?
Me: *cries*
Former Arisia Con Chair: Pretty pretty please?
Me: Nice try, kilt boy.
Machine Parts People: How about we throw an emergency advertising job at you at 4pm for 9am turnaround and not have any copy to give you so you'd basically have to write it as well as design it?
Me: Fuck you, do I look like an ad agency?
Machine Parts People: ...
Me: Shit, I really should have done it and charged them $100/hour. *facepalm*
Machine Parts People: *fall off the face of the earth*
Me: Was it something I said?

Me: Hello, sailor.
tenore: Awww yeah.
ablock: *shakes head*

Shul: Hey, will you lay out the newsletter every three months?
Me: Sure!
Shul: How about every two months when we feel like it?
Me: Sure!
Shul: How about designing t-shirts? And publicity booklets? Haven't you been talking about these for, like, a year?
Me: Look, I'm working on it, okay? At least we did the magnets.
Shul: Well, okay. But you've still got primary responsibility for our having 20s&30s programming, right?
Me: Sure!
ablock: Hey, I'm helping.
kalessin: Me too!
tapuz & laurens10: Us too!
Me: THANK GOD.
Shul: And you'll still be making sure the Friday night minyan takes place every week, right?
Me: Sure!
ablock: Hey, I'm helping.
Me: THANK GOD.
musicjill: Me too!
Shul: ...
Me: Also, I will continue to leyn Torah every week, out of pure love.
Shul: Yay!

jessruth: Girl!
Me: Yay!
jessruth: We must chat!
Me: Soon!

mitgsp: How about Thespis?
tenore: Yeah!
Me: *shuffles feet* Um, still too busy.
mitgsp: Well, will you at least design the programs? We hear you do some of that.
Me: Sure!

Guy from Shul: Hey, will you go out with me?
Me: ...

World: NO E-MAIL FOR YOU!
Me: But I love this account! I've had it since I was a starry-eyed youth of 19 and that's why I'm stuck with stupid "muffin" for the rest of my life! Google knows every page on my entire site!
World: NO E-MAIL FOR YOU!

Kosher Boy: I've never had a serious girlfriend, is the thing.
Me: That's okay, I guess.
KB: Mostly because I can't get worked up enough about anyone I would actually consider being serious about.
Me: That's okay, I guess.
KB: Ever.
Me: Yeah, okay. So maybe we could just be, um, friends.
KB: Um. Yeah.
Me: ...
KB: ...
*snog furiously*

Guy from Shul: How about now?
Me: ...

tenore: Let me take you in my arms, sweet darling.
Me: *shuffles feet*
tenore: C'mon, I'll take you out and show you a good time. Dancing and a nice dinner. Whaddaya say?
Me: ...
tenore: Um. Okay. How about a burger and a video?
Me: *freaking out* I'm really sorry, okay?!!?
tenore: ...?
Me: Nothing's wrong, everything's perfectly fine, what could possibly be -- AAAAUGH!
ablock: *shakes head*
tenore: ... Weren't you the one who came after ME in the first place?
Me: ...

Mom: When are you going to come visit me?
Dad: When are you going to come visit me?
Mom: You never call!
Dad: You never call!
Me: ... Okay, I bought tickets.
Mom: Yay!
Dad: Just kidding, I'm still too sick. But seriously, when are you going to come visit me?

Kosher Boy: ...
Me: I wonder if this is really something I need in my life?
KB: ...
tenore: Hey, remember me? WTF???
Me: ...

World: NO E-MAIL FOR YOU!
Me: Please oh please don't make me leave you.
My Geek Brother: You know, there's really no reason to get false positives on spam filtering. At all. Geez.
World: NO E-MAIL FOR YOU!

jessruth: We must chat!
Me: Yes! We must chat! Soon!

mrmorse: Woe, for I am a loser.
Me: ...
mrmorse: Alas, the suck that is my life.
Me: I still love you anyway, you know.
mrmorse: Oh yeah? Then how come you can't trust me? Huh? You're the one withholding trust here!
Me: ...
tenore: Hellooooooo!

HaKadosh Baruch Hu: If I wanted you to get married and have beautiful Jewish children, I'd send you someone you could actually stand for more than a couple of months. Right? Of course right.
ablock: *waves*
kalessin: *waves harder*
points: Hiya, beautiful.
HaKadosh Baruch Hu: Nah, just kidding. Keep cooling your heels. All of you.
ablock: ...
kalessin: ...
points: Mrrf.
HaKadosh Baruch Hu: Meanwhile, have some more cute Italian Catholic boys. And one or two attractive but emotionally unavailable Englishmen.
Former Arisia Con Chair: Hey!
cheesyhill: Erm, leave me out of this too, thanks.
HaKadosh Baruch Hu: Oh yeah, and a couple of fabulous Jewish men who are already blissfully married, just to round things off.
Me: *cries*

desireearmfeldt: Wanna play one of the most coveted strong-female roles in modern American theater?
Me: Hell yes!
desireearmfeldt: Great! We're rehearsing 15 hours a week from now until showtime.
Me: ...
desireearmfeldt: Also, the performances will be timed such that a large bunch of your friends cannot attend due to Shabbat. Now, find me the subtext in this seemingly schizophrenic passage of dialogue!
Me: It's a damn good thing all my co-stars are so fucking cute.
navrins: God, but I do love being king!
justom: ... Huh?
zebediah: ... Oh really.
Me: -- Sorry, was that my outside voice?

20s&30s E-mail List: Weren't you supposed to have sent us some announcements about, like, some upcoming events and shit?
World: Hahahaha! I will eat the announcement confirmations so that no listmail can be sent! Ever!
Me: *cries*
Mom: How come you don't ever meet anyone nice through shul?

Me: Boys!
jessruth: Arrgh!
Me: We must chat!
jessruth: Yes! We must chat! Soon!

tenore: Are you actually planning to be with me ever again, or what?
Me: *cries*
tenore: ...
Me: ... Doesn't really look like it, though, huh?
scholargipsy: *shakes head*

Shul: How about that booklet thingy?
Noreascon 4: How about those program thingies?
Machine Parts People: How about those catalog thingies?
Me: *cries* *rereads entire Harry Potter series between rehearsals*

Guy from Shul: How about now?
Me: ... I'm getting over a couple of breakups spanning the past year, is the thing. I don't think I'm in the right place to --
Guy from Shul: Penn Jillette is reading at the Coolidge next Wednesday.
Me: Well, maybe just this once.

mrmorse: Lose lose lose. Suck suck suck.
Me: How hard can it be, really, to actually *apply* for a job?
mrmorse: But... lose! Suck!
Me: Sit the fuck down and print out some resumes. NOW.
mrmorse: Oh, you mean like this?

Kosher Boy: ...
Me: ...
KB: ...
Me: ... Well, there ya go.

World: NO E-MAIL FOR YOU!
Me: Couldn't we at least have whitelist privileges?
World: SPAMMERS! THE SPAMMERS ARE COMING! NO E-MAIL FOR ANYONE!
Me: *starts the painful process of changing pointers globally to <erica@alumni.brandeis.edu>*
Gmail: Hello, sailor.


Edit: I'm still making revisions here and there, so read it again the next time you come back. :-)

Comments

[navrins]

And sisters and aunts?