road tripping

[chanaleh]

Jonathan leaves today for South Carolina, for a week. I knew he was going to go (pilgrimage home to visit family and lick his wounds of being recently laid off) -- but turns out he's driving down, so he could pick up and go on less than 24 hours' notice.

I expected I'd be happy when he went out of town, that I'd feel liberated. We have been so carefully not In A Relationship, and yet the last week or so in particular has had an intense quality of wanting to spend at least some time together every day. I thought that with him away I'd be pleased to have my life back to myself -- the very thing I was supposed to have achieved in the last six-plus months of "relationship hiatus," after all, and have overall thoroughly failed at.

Needless to say, it's not so simple, or I'm not so strong, as all that. :-}

And even now what I feel is not so much a pain of missing him (though of course I will), but a sort of adriftness. How do I function without a lover to anchor the deep structure of my days?

... Might this be the very question I have spent my adult life running so far away from?

***

This aside, I'm a bit jealous of being able to hop in the car and hit the open road for a week. (Not that I'd wish to be laid off, of course, and I suppose it has to have its privileges. :-) The two of us, in particular, would have such a ball together on a 1900-mile road trip. Sometimes I think that's one of my hidden criteria for marriage: that I can only marry someone I'd be excited to make a cross-country road trip with.

Comments

[tahnan.livejournal.com]

Yes, well, there you are. If only things were "as simple as all that," whatever "that" might be in any given case. And they pretty much never are.

And more so with relationships, really.

[marmota.livejournal.com]

Heh; considering how many relationships I've had fail over vacations together, I'd go so far as to say a criteria for marriage should be someone you're still just as excited about *after* you've taken a long road trip with them! :)

[cos]

I wished to be laid off - and told my boss about it, so I did get laid off :)
I spent all of last week on the open road with a great road trip companion. Wow, I wanna do that again!