![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
et she-ahava nafshi
Monday, November 15th, 2004 08:17 amOpening weekend went well. Performances ranged from stellar to merely very good. :-) I am genuinely happy to have another four performances (plus brush-up rehearsal!) to be with this lovely group of people before it all goes away.
But I'm looking forward to having some free time again. Conversely, (although I should be happy to be going to visit) it pains me that the minute the show is over I have to fly away to California and be outside of my own life still, completely differently, for another week.
So although I got into bed last night by 10:30pm, I'm pretty sure I saw the wrong side of 1am yet again, because I still could not sleep. It did mean I finally got a chance to sit up with the Song of Songs that![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jessruth sent me for my birthday. Which both helped... and didn't.
At night in my bed I longed for
the one whom my soul loves.
I sought him, but did not find him.
I must rise and go about the city,
the narrow streets and squares, till I find
the one whom my soul loves.
I sought him, but did not find him.
Then the watchmen found me
as they went about the city.
"Have you seen him? have you seen
the one whom my soul loves?"
No sooner had I passed them than I found
the one whom my soul loves.
I held him, I would not let him go
until I brought him to my mother's house,
into my mother's room.
Daughters of Jerusalem, swear to me
by the gazelles, by the deer in the field,
that you will never awaken love
until it is ripe.
-- Shir ha-Shirim 3:1-5
Perhaps that is the core of it. My love has been awakened, but the time of ripeness is not yet.
Sometimes I wish I were actually patient instead of merely stubborn.
Also, on a whim, I went to my first condo open house yesterday. Just to see (and the units there were nothing great), but I actually put myself on the realtor's contact list. Which doesn't represent any further commitment to this fantasy, except symbolically; but now I suspect the whole concept is suddenly also weighing on my subconscious.
But I'm looking forward to having some free time again. Conversely, (although I should be happy to be going to visit) it pains me that the minute the show is over I have to fly away to California and be outside of my own life still, completely differently, for another week.
So although I got into bed last night by 10:30pm, I'm pretty sure I saw the wrong side of 1am yet again, because I still could not sleep. It did mean I finally got a chance to sit up with the Song of Songs that
jessruth sent me for my birthday. Which both helped... and didn't.At night in my bed I longed for
the one whom my soul loves.
I sought him, but did not find him.
I must rise and go about the city,
the narrow streets and squares, till I find
the one whom my soul loves.
I sought him, but did not find him.
Then the watchmen found me
as they went about the city.
"Have you seen him? have you seen
the one whom my soul loves?"
No sooner had I passed them than I found
the one whom my soul loves.
I held him, I would not let him go
until I brought him to my mother's house,
into my mother's room.
Daughters of Jerusalem, swear to me
by the gazelles, by the deer in the field,
that you will never awaken love
until it is ripe.
-- Shir ha-Shirim 3:1-5
Perhaps that is the core of it. My love has been awakened, but the time of ripeness is not yet.
Sometimes I wish I were actually patient instead of merely stubborn.
Also, on a whim, I went to my first condo open house yesterday. Just to see (and the units there were nothing great), but I actually put myself on the realtor's contact list. Which doesn't represent any further commitment to this fantasy, except symbolically; but now I suspect the whole concept is suddenly also weighing on my subconscious.