I Am Large, I Contain Multitudes

This past Shabbat morning, August 6th, tremontstshul had a farewell kiddush in my honor.

I got to stand up and say a few words (it was Parshat Dvarim, get it??) -- although I wasn't sure if I felt more like the Israelites about to cross the Jordan (which, as I pointed out, in Italian is il Giordano), or like Moshe admonishing the Israelites by way of a historical overview of their sojourn. But it seemed to go okay.

And there was lox, and real whitefish (lovingly deboned by B"H Model), and black-and-whites.

There were also a couple of nice tribute parodies offered, which I found so delightful that I wanted to record them here for posterity and share with you all. One was written by father-of-hilaritea to the tune of the Major General's song from The Pirates of Penzance:

( I am the very model of egalitarian orthodox... )

Edited To Add, since someone asked: In fact, no, I don't consider myself Orthodox by any stretch. We noted that privately at the time of the dramatic reading. (But it does rhyme so beautifully with "paradox".)

The other was written by la_vie_en_rosie and her spouse, RLS formerly of the Menschen, in the vein of Eishet Chayil (A Woman of Valor), which is a passage from Proverbs traditionally sung on Friday nights to the woman of the household:

( Erica Chayil )

I was absolutely tickled.

A number of other people very dear to me were specially present, and we had lots of singing, and a fair quantity of Scotch, and it was a lovely sendoff. Thanks to all those of you who were there.

(And if you missed it, it looks like I'm still going to be in town after all for the Community Shabbat Dinner on August 19th, so you can sign up for that. There'll probably even still be some Scotch left.)

I wrote this a few years ago around this time to send to my brother, and figured I might as well resurrect trot it out again.


** THE TOP TEN REASONS WHY PEOPLE EAT HAM ON EASTER**

10. Commemorates Biblical sacrifice of the Paschal lamb -- some idiot thought they said "Paschal-HAM"

#9. Back when Jews outnumbered Christians, it was the only meat you could get cheaply at Passover time

#8. Baby chickies still too small to roast

#7. Pink color coordinates best with pastel table linens

#6. Two words: pineapple glaze

#5. Spiral slicing just so darn convenient

#4. Ham-and-egg connection so strong in people's minds, Easter eggs just seem lonely without it

#3. Folkloric tradition that pigs resurrect after three days -- just like Jesus

#2. Easter Bunny's PR staff successfully drove out the original standard: rabbit stew

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON FOR EATING EASTER HAM....

#1. Religious backlash: "Hey, check this out -- Easter means we're not Jewish anymore!"